Addictions
by LoversLove
Summary: Ellie is addicted to pain, and he is her dealer. Craig/Ellie. Angst. Review


Hello, my name is Ellie Nash, and I am an addict.

To what you ask?

Pain.

I am addicted to pain.

It all started when my father left for the army. It was an emotional time for me and my mother. I was fine with it though, that is, until my mother became an alcoholic. She would drink about 3 to 4 bottles of vodka, and other types of alcohol a day. It only got worse, till she would yell at me for no reason.

That's when I started to cut myself. My mother was in the other room, moaning and drinking, yelling for no reason. My head hurt so bad I just throw everything to the ground, and there it was my protractor. The metal tip was so sharp, practically taunting me. I sat for five minutes just staring at it. I finally got the nerve to pick it up, and I pulled it against my skin, it felt wonderful.

After awhile I was caught. Paige Michealchuk found out, and made me stop. I was told the dangers of cutting and self mutilation, and came to my senses. Later that year I also told my mom, and I forced her to go to rehab.

After living on my own a while, my mother came home sober, and I lived with her again. I had been off pain for awhile, and I was doing fine. Then he came into my life.

Craig Manning.

He is my one love.

My affair that never was.

The reason I am now a full addict of pain.

He is my perfect man. A musician who will sit down for up to 7 hours with me and just write songs, talk, or just simply laugh. We talk about anything and everything. It all started when he was "forced" to go to my group for being bipolar. We connected ever since that day.

We just get each other. Whenever he references something, however subtle, I catch up on it, and vice versa. I adore him, simply and utterly adore him. But his feelings for me are not the same. He has never looked at me in the same way I look at him; no matter how much I want him too.

My heart continuously breaks when I am with him.

We will be sitting together, not saying one word, and then Manny will come. His girlfriend. He loves her. Not me. He picked her. Not me.

She gets jealous of me though. It's sad really. When she came into his life, I could barely be around him without my heart breaking. And whenever I did hang around him, she'd get mad.

Then he got addicted to cocaine.

He got addicted, and both Manny and I tried to stop him. Manny left him after that, and told me what him and me where doing was gross. I tried to help him, I dedicated most of my time to helping him. He promised he would go to group with me again, but he bailed. Said he had other things to do and what not.

I still didn't give up on him. I came backstage to one of his shows, to talk to him, tell him that what he was doing was wrong and he needed to stop. I tried to make him listen. I told him how much I cared about him and his health, I told him my feelings. My honest feelings for him.

And he kissed me.

It was the most perfect kiss I have ever experienced. It was so wonderful that I could barely believe it was happening.

The he said it.

He said that he loved me too.

I had never been so happy in my life. That is, until, he told me that if I loved him, I shouldn't make him stop.

He used me.

My heart hurt so badly. The usually ache in my chest was replaced by a new, duller, harder pain that I can never adequately describe. I was dizzy, and I could have sworn my heart stopped. All I could do was push him away, pushed him away and run.

He didn't mean it.

He didn't love me.

My addiction was back.

I went home that night and sat on my bed. The tears hadn't stopped, even though I felt completely numb, a few could occasionally leak out. I sat, thinking of that moment, when I realized it was all a lie. My chest tightened and the pain was back, like it never left.

It's thrilling, really.

As long as I love Craig Manning, I will be addicted to pain.

And I,

Ellie Nash,

Will always love Craig Manning.

He is like my own personal cocaine. I will never need to drink. Drugs do nothing.

As long as Craig Mannings is in my life, I will be an addict to the pain that comes with him.


End file.
